While "Responding in the Moment” focuses on responding once a conversation has already begun, this section focuses on how to start that conversation in a thoughtful and supportive way. Starting a conversation with a student about their well-being can feel uncomfortable, especially when you are unsure what to say or worry about making the situation worse. However, even a brief check-in can be one of the most meaningful actions faculty and staff take to support students. Students often report that knowing someone noticed and cared made a meaningful difference in their academic and personal success (Sethi and Scales 2020).
This section focuses on how to initiate supportive conversations in a way that feels respectful, non-judgmental, and appropriate to your role. You are not expected to diagnose or solve a student’s problems. Your role is to open the door to connection, listen, and help students consider possible next steps when needed.
Trust your observations and your instincts. If something feels “off,” that concern alone is a valid reason to check in. While it can be tempting to wait until a student asks for help, many students experiencing stress, loneliness, or anxiety do not initiate these conversations on their own.
When possible, consider:
- Setting: Choose a private, low-pressure environment such as office hours, a quiet hallway, or a brief scheduled meeting.
- Timing: Avoid approaching a student in front of peers or during high-pressure moments (such as right before an exam or presentation).
- Method: Some students may feel more comfortable starting with an email rather than an in-person conversation, especially if they are reserved or embarrassed.
At a campus like Michigan Technological University, where many students are far from home, adjusting to a rural environment, and navigating long winters, approaching students with care and intention can help reduce isolation and encourage connection (Office of the Surgeon General 2023).
Scenario
You notice a student who has been attending class less frequently and seems quieter than usual when they are present. Their assignments are still being submitted, but the quality has declined, and they avoid eye contact during discussions. They have not reached out to you directly, but you feel concerned based on what you have observed.
Common Unhelpful Approaches
“Let me know if you want to talk.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I’m here if you need anything.”
While well-intentioned, these phrases often lead to yes/no answers or place the responsibility entirely on the student to initiate help. Students who are struggling may already feel like a burden or worry about bothering you, making it less likely they will follow up.
A More Helpful First Response
“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit quieter in class lately and missed a few sessions. I wanted to check in and see how things are going for you and if there’s anything getting in the way of your coursework.”
“Would you be open to meeting for a few minutes this week? I’d really like to hear how this semester is feeling for you.”
This approach:
- Names specific observations
- Expresses care without assumptions
- Opens the door to conversation
- Signals availability and support
When beginning the conversation:
- Focus on what you have noticed, not what you assume
- Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements
- Avoid diagnosing or labeling
- Keep your tone calm and curious
For example:
- “I wanted to check in because I’ve noticed you seem more overwhelmed lately.”
- “A lot of students find this part of the semester challenging.”
This helps normalize stress and reduces stigma around seeking help.
Open-ended questions encourage students to share more than a yes or no answer and help them feel heard. (See Responding in the Moment for more guidance on using open-ended questions).
Examples:
- “How have things been going for you this semester?”
- “What has been most challenging lately?”
- “How are you feeling about your workload right now?”
- “What kind of support do you think might help?”
These questions allow the student to guide the conversation while you listen and reflect.
Many students believe they should handle challenges on their own. Normalizing help-seeking can make support feel acceptable and expected.
You might say:
- “Many students feel this way at some point in the semester.”
- “Reaching out for support is a sign of taking care of yourself, not a weakness.”
- “There are people on campus whose job is to help students through moments like this, I could connect you with the Center for Student Mental Health and Well-being if you would like to explore options.”
This reinforces that support is part of the learning process and not something reserved only for crisis situations.
If a student is frequently absent or does not respond to emails:
- Try speaking with them briefly the next time you see them in person
- Keep your message short, warm, and focused on concern rather than consequences
- If you remain unable to connect or your concern increases, consider consulting the Dean of Students Office or using the Report a Concern tool.
You do not have to manage these situations alone.
Why This Approach Works
Starting a supportive conversation:
- Builds trust and connection
- Reduces stigma around mental health and help-seeking
- Increases the likelihood that students will accept resources
- Helps problems be addressed before they escalate
- Keeps your role supportive rather than clinical
When students feel seen and respected, they are more likely to engage in solutions that improve both their well-being and their academic performance.
Take a moment to reflect on your own comfort level with starting supportive conversations:
- What usually stops you from reaching out when you notice a student struggling?
- Which phrases feel most natural for you to use when checking in with a student?
- How might you adapt your approach depending on a student’s personality or cultural background?
- How can you balance showing care while maintaining appropriate professional boundaries?
Even brief check-ins can have a meaningful impact. By starting supportive conversations, you contribute to a campus culture where students feel noticed, valued, and encouraged to seek help when they need it.
Office of the Surgeon General. (2023). Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation. Rockville, MD: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Public Health Service. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf
Sethi, J., & Scales, P. C. (2020). Developmental relationships and school success:
How teachers, parents, and friends affect educational outcomes and what actions students
say matter most. Contemporary Educational Psychology, 63, 101904. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cedpsych.2020.101904