Aunting: Book Illuminates Why Aunts Matter
Perhaps she let you do things mom and dad didn’t. Maybe she made you work hard but
paid you for your chores. There are myriad other examples of relationships most of
us have had with aunts, and a new book explores their importance in our lives.
“Aunting: Cultural Practices that Sustain Family and Community Life” has been published
by Baylor Press. Authors Laura Ellingson, associate professor of communication at
Santa Clara University and Patty Sotirin, professor of humanities at Michigan Technological
University, uncover many stories and some surprising nuances about our interactions
with our aunts—those who are related and those we choose.
“We can develop important relationships with aunts outside of the nuclear family,”
Sotirin says. “The relationship with an aunt might change over time, as you become
an adult, but aunts can be important in our lives in many ways—filling in gaps in
your family’s story, for instance.”
Many of the strong connections with aunts exist because this role is more negotiable,
flexible, and adaptable than parenting, Sotirin says. And aunts don’t necessarily
have to be related, either, hence the new verb, “aunting,” a set of practices that
supports personal, familial and community bonds through material, emotional, and symbolic
means.
Aunting might be practiced as nurturing, encouraging, mentoring, story telling or
listening. Across these practices, there is a reciprocal sense of connection and—usually—caring,
she says.
Aunting can be expanded beyond traditional kinship roles. “An aunt could be anyone
who plays a significant role in guiding or nurturing us. When we name someone an aunt,
that person is in a special relationship that is ongoing, important and supportive
in whatever ways make sense to those involved,” Sotirin says. “For example, even a
step-mom or a mentor at school can do aunting. Laura (Ellingson) and I realized early
that aunting was a rich and complex topic.”
Sotirin says that aunting includes emotional expectations and socialization aspects
that are both varied and flexible.
“We heard stories of aunts who indulged their nieces and nephews, aunts who were strict
and demanding, and eccentric aunts,” she says. “Aunts can operate with different rules—outside
but not necessarily contrary to—those in your house.”
And these special kinship (or kinship-like) relationships can also spur “generativity”
(concern and care for future generations), as when older aunts pass along family traditions
and stories. Reciprocally, nephews and nieces may express a desire to “pay back” by
aunting others in the spirit of their own aunts or by caring for elderly aunts, whether
they are related or chosen.
Perhaps you see your aunts only at family gatherings or infrequently because they
live so far away. Distances don’t necessarily cancel out aunting relationships, Sotirin
says. Time spent during holidays and family get-togethers can be emotionally significant,
and even an absent aunt may be a character in a family’s history or a kinship network.
Also importantly, aunts show both nephews and nieces that there are many life choices
possible.
“Each aunt shows a different possible life path. One may be a career woman, another a stay-at-home mom,” Sotirin says. “One aunt may seem like a great role model, another’s situation may make a niece or nephew realize the consequences of certain choices. The interesting thing is that, whereas the example of our parents may impose expectations for a child to follow, the example of an aunt doesn’t weigh as heavily.”
The topic of aunts is becoming popular. Several trade books are available about aunts,
and at least one other scholarly book on aunts and uncles was released earlier this
year. Sotirin and Ellingson are already busy on their next aunt project: aunts in
popular culture.
“Aunt Bee on Andy Griffith, Auntie Em in the Wizard of Oz, Auntie Mame, they are all
taking care of a nephew or niece. but they each do that very differently,” Sotirin
says. “These aunts may reaffirm family values and ideals, but they can also be seen
as examples of more alternative, more eccentric families.”
Whether or not your aunts are “normal” or “eccentric,” you probably have had an aunt
whom you admired and/or learned from. You may even have had a favorite aunt who indulged
you just a bit.
Michigan Technological University is a public research university founded in 1885 in Houghton, Michigan, and is home to more than 7,000 students from 55 countries around the world. Consistently ranked among the best universities in the country for return on investment, Michigan’s flagship technological university offers more than 120 undergraduate and graduate degree programs in science and technology, engineering, computing, forestry, business and economics, health professions, humanities, mathematics, social sciences, and the arts. The rural campus is situated just miles from Lake Superior in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, offering year-round opportunities for outdoor adventure.
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