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| Archives for mtuparent-L (discussion list) Subject: Letting Go Wed, 10 Sept 2003 Maybe I'm just hard-headed or haven't been a member of this list for long enough, but I wasn't offended by **** post. I also have noticed there are plenty of parents who are having a hard time "letting go". I was one of them a couple years ago, but was too afraid to post lest I appeared over-protective! :) I'm a single mom also, and also can't afford extra's, but
when my daughter decided on Tech we had to sit down and figure certain
things out....transportation being one of them. A lot of thought had to
go into her attending school so far away. And if solutions couldn't be
found to my So I guess what I want to say is trust your students...they can be quite resourceful when they need to be. C. _______ They *can* do more than we think, but like with any range of human behavior there is a normal curve distribution and some of us are more worried than others, others less worried than others. This list functions best if it helps those who need help without them feeling inferior in some way for needing the help. No one, for specific example, should be afraid to post for fear they may seem over-protective to others. Just to show you how callous (or non-super-sensitive) *we* are as parents, my wife and I were at the tail end of a child-free vacation in Arizona during the weekend when our freshman drove himself up from Ann Arbor to Houghton. How non-sensitive can you be - to not take your kid to his first dormitory move-in because you're on vacation?!? (This is a kid who had previous never driven himself anyplace further than a couple of hours away to a disc golf tournament on the other side of Detroit. And no one in our family had ever yet been to Houghton at all.) This was also and unexpectedly, of course, in the middle of the power outage, as well - he left on that Friday - and he had to find a way to gas up his car, which was a big uncertainty for him. But he found out that towns north of Ann Arbor had power, so he decided to leave early and find a hotel room along the way and was dismayed when he got to the UP that there were no vacancies to be found. It took him 4 hours of continuing to drive up looking for a place to stay but he finally got a room somewhere at 10:30 pm. And then, the next day, did all he needed to do, without us, to check in to the dorm, etc. We were in Arizona, responding to his cell phone calls when he wanted input, but we weren't overly concerned. We do look forward to the parents weekend and seeing him "in place," but it was nice to see him handle all this on his own. He's already got a parking ticket, says it was because he was "late for class," although why as a freshman he was driving to class anyway is not clear to us. Expected us to pay it, too, but we didn't! ;-) T.C. _______ Now that my son is a junior it is much easier seeing him off but as most that first year was a toughy..
Thu, 11 Sep 2003 I just want to thank you T.C. Your first paragraph says it all. I am somewhat concerned to keep writing, for the simple thought of the negativity. My son and our family are very close. Does that imply that we are not wanting to let go. We dont feel that, sure its a hard thing, but we want for him more than anything to catch his dreams. Can it just be possible that one worrys about someone far away out of love, and have nothing to do with letting go? It seems this all started over a concern for how far away the parking area is. My only concern there is not just the distance one may have to walk or ride a bike, but also are the cars safe way out there. Everyone has a reason for wanting or not wanting a car with them. I just know in our family it is the right thing to have that car there. We have family members who have health related issues going on. If there was an emergency here, my son would want to be here, and as far as we can tell, the bus line actually is more expensive than the gas to drive. L. C. _______ I hope this matter is put out of its misery now. And to the parents who miss their children and worry about them -that is part of being a parent. Our "kids" are 23 years and 19 and 1/2 years and 900 miles and 560 miles away respectively and I do miss them. But I also realize that they are maturing and pursuing their own dreams. The oldest is an air force officer and the younger one is in her second year at Tech. It was hard to let them go away to school the first time, but each goodbye gets easier and the tears come less frequently. K. Z.
12 Sep 2003 You guys........ Missing them and worrying are never totally put to rest...... My parents who are both 76 and I their youngest at 40 had this conversation a few days ago. Their insight on the matter is this: because by the time your children are old enough to leave the "nest" you as a parent have experienced and witnessed a lot of heartbreak, hardship and other cruelties of life and loving your offspring (as is natural) you do not want to see them suffer. Therefore you would like to cushion, protect and shield them from what you can. My father told me that 3 years ago as he witnessed my sister's devastating divorce after 24 years of marriage he still wanted to hold her and make her world all right again. (And believe me when I say my dad was never an overprotective or cling-on parent type.) Also even after none of his 5 children have lived in his home for at least 20 years he still calls us all once a week and as he says "takes stock of his true assets" by just saying, "Hi, how is everyone and I miss ya- When ya stoppin' 'round?" If that is a parent not letting go...... I hope they'll be here to hang on forever! B.
Sun, 14 Sep 2003 You hit the nail on the head B. And to make a further point, sometimes we, mtu parents) just need to say what is bothering us (as in we miss them, etc), just because we know we're talking to people who have experience and hopefully will unconditionally listen to us. That isn't the same as saying we don't expect our kids to grow up and deal with separation and the rest of what will come at them. Nor is it the same as an invitation for lessons in parenting. . .just looking for a little comaraderie. However self assured my son is (and he is) it doesn't change the fact that I miss him very much. G. B. |
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