THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN, PART I: (PG-13 for any number of romantically related situations including some hot-sex & sexually graphic subject matter): Oh, lordy! Do you really expect me to sit among a packed audience of teen-aged girls swooning & sighing into their popcorn through the worst of the vampire series? Instead, let me lift comments from critics stronger than I, more capable of withstanding such tripe:
"If you insist on seeing the entire, seemingly never-ending 117-minutes, you're going to spend at least 87 of them bored out of your mind."
"The Twilight Saga hasn't matured along with its heroine. Inf act, the latest movie regresses, delivering more filler, less feeling and crummier CGI than last year's Eclipse."
"What we have here is the total conviction that the ludicrous scenes are dead serious and fiercely meaningful; the result is not quite a laugh a minute, but close."
"Romanticizing an intimate relationship that leaves bruises and scars is a particularly terrible idea in a film aimed at girls."
"The sexless, bloodless, padded and plodding Part I is the worst Twilight movie to date."
"It goes without saying that this is silly stuff played for maximum solemnity, because that's the Twilight series in a nutshell; you either love it with every fiber in your being or dismiss it as pathetic pap for simpering virgins."
"Director Bill Condon will also be directing Part 2. Let's hope he realizes it is broken and that he does fix it."
"What's wrong with this film: it features a drippy, flutey orchestral score that sounds forcefully extracted from a Hallmark movie; Taylor Lautner's hardcore attempts at crying; the way Peter Facinelli looks like he just survived a face-plant on a bakery floorŠ"
"Shamelessly cheesy, drawn-out and over-the-top as it is, Breaking Dawn Part I is big, bombastic popcorn entertainment that knows exactly what its fans want and delivers it in big epic style."
"It's about as loony and soapy as a movie can get. Try and avoid getting dragged along to this one."
Nuff said?