(Rated PG for some crude humor, movie-type hockey violence, mild profanity): Dwayne (the Rock) Johnson is a smug hockey player who doesn't mind shattering kids' dreams of getting a buck (once a dime, but obviously the result of inflation) from a tooth fairy, is punished by the fairies and forced to play tooth fairy for two weeks. Despite all the gadgets he's given to perform, he proves a miserable fairy but does repent, learns to believe in dreams, and helps out with his girlfriend's two kids - and themselves as well - to live happily ever after.
Well, Arnold tried being a kindergarden cop, Jackie did his best with his girlfriend's kids, so why shouldn't former wrestler Johnson join in similar mediocrity? A patchwork script from no less than five writers didn't help a bit. Nor did Michael Lembeck's feckless direction, nor the Mickey-mousing music by George S. Clinton. Nor the Rock, who alternates between a broad faked smile (ala tooth whitener !) and what passes for a pale, rubbery imitation of Jim Carey.
Nor all those tongue-in-cheek wink-winks each time the word "fairy" comes up. Nor the horrible puns, with "Tooth or Consequences" being the best of them.
But there were a few clever bits of casting that prevented the film from sinking entirely: Billy Crystal as an older fairy with tenure, who outfits Johnson with a tube of shrinking cream, amnesia dust, an invisible spray, and animal repellents - none of which works very well; Julie Andrews as the prim & proper fairy godmother who runs the roost with a firm wand; and Stephen Merchant who almost steals each scene he's in - a toot fairy wannabe employed as a caseworker to guide our neophyte in his duties.
It's supposed to have been aimed at tiny tots, but they ignored the film & busied themselves with trays of drinks & goodies while older members of the audience shrieked with laughter continuously at the 92-minutes of derivative on screen corn, only proving that we haven't yet dumbed down to rock bottom - but close.
It took Mark Wahlberg years before the "Marky Mark" crotch-grabbing image wore off; one wonders how long Johnson must wait before he can become something other than "The Rock" regardless of how hard he tries to be a funny nice guy? (Grade: D+)
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